Kelly Clements talks about Alpha Ladies and Family Dynamics
The Refined Alpha Podcast with Jeremy Coombs
Air Date: July 12, 2019
In this episode of The Refined Alpha podcast, Kelly Clements discusses characteristics of being a high achieving alpha woman, a boss babe, and the boss babe movement. What does it mean to be an alpha and how it affects our relationships with our spouses? She discusses the powers and masculinity and femininity, and the top masculine and feminine traits. Kelly talks about striking balance between the two and how important it is to use your feminine traits in business and at home. Using these feminine traits at home allows our partners to be able to step into their powers and roles, as well, and helps them know where they fit and how they can help us. Women carry an invisible workload in the home and with their families. It is not a sense of weakness to ask for help, but a sign of strength to accept it. What are the traits of a “power couple” and which version of a power couple do you want to be? This requires conscious decision making, outlining expectation of roles and responsibilities, and deciding what an ideal relationship is for each person. It is important that both people have an individual sense of purpose and a shared sense of purpose in the relationship. Communication is key, as is keeping your ego in check.
Time Stamped Show Notes
:35 Kelly works with entrepreneurs and spouses and works with a lot of alphas, both male and female 1:00 What are alpha ladies/boss babe characteristics 1:20 What makes a boss babe- characteristics of high achievers 1:55 There are a lot of masculinity traits that tend to show up in a “boss babe” 2:00 Boss babe movement 2:19 How to strike a balance of using their powers at work and in their relationships 2:50 Masculinity and femininity lines are blurred in today’s society, ongoing battle between the two 3:15 Power of both the masculine and feminine energies, sometimes at odds 3:30 Kelly’s personal journey with collision of her purpose and where it ignited her professionally and how that showed up at home, there was a lot of masculinity 4:00 Masculinity can work against us as women 4:20 So much power in feminine 4:22 Women are programmed that feminine is weak 4:40 Evolution of feminine power, how powerful it is and leaning into it 5:00 As women, the more feminine qualities we bring, the better everyone is going to be 5:25 Top feminine traits 6:10 Our insane killer instinct and intuition gives us an unfair advantage anywhere 6:20 Top masculine traits 6:30 Be careful that we don’t override our own intuition 6:40 Use our feminine to see things as the way they are instead of the way they should be and growing from there – how it works for us in business 6:50 Crucial to maintain that sense of femininity in our homes for our kids and partners 7:00 Allow our partners to step into their powers as well 7:18 Equality movement has been hard on our partners to know how or where to stand next to us because we take up both lanes of being powerful in our femininity and our masculinity 7:40 Where do partners fit? And how can they support us 8:00 Men are fixers- ask “do you want me to fix this or just listen?” 8:30 It comes down to communication 9:00 Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, we are a team, we are together 9:10 Polarity of masculine and feminine and power, dominance vs weakness 9:25 We each have gifts, not a competition, but a shared common goal or dream, one unit 9:50 Great communication, set healthy expectations 10:10 Women have been raised against this power struggle our whole lives 10:40 Feminine trait of receiving – crucial energy that comes from the feminine 11:05 Women carry the invisible workload 11:35 Important to maintain some sense of autonomy 11:50 Being able to receive help is a sign of strength 12:00 Lean into that support and teamwork 12:15 Jeremy is a single dad and also has the invisible workload 12:40 Being a single dad has blessed him with gifts of patience and understanding 13:20 Jeremy talks about his new wife and his 7-year-old son and her role, she has that nurturing side that he doesn’t 14:30 He has leaned into it, knows his limitations – watches beautiful relationship dynamics with his new wife and son 16:00 Definition of the refined alpha 16:05 Alpha by definition 16:10 Spouses struggle with their identities being sucked out of the alpha’s gravitational pull and their orbit 16:25 Refined alpha makes space for their equally powerful partner 16:40 It is the work of all alphas, male or female, to make room for our partners 17:00 Our greatest strength can become our greatest weakness 17:05 Maybe we lose respect for our partners because they aren’t showing up fully but that may be because we haven’t made room for them to do so 18:25 It’s a process to understand emotions and the story of masculine/feminine 19:08 Jeremy’s wife has gone through major transitions in a short amount of time 20:45 “Power couple” team – what are those traits 21:15 There are a lot of different versions of “power couple”, which is key 21:20 Conscious decision making, outlining expectation of roles and responsibilities 21:30 What does an ideal relationship look like for each person? 22:10 Model of relationship is a three-legged race 22:30 Know where your points of intersection are and being ok in the differences 22:50 Really comes down to having a clear sense of purpose 23:00 Purpose will either united or divide 23:10 Important that both people have an individual sense of purpose and a shared sense of purpose in the relationship 23:25 Perfect analogy of three-legged race 24:10 Leap frog game analogy for power couples, one-upmanship, competition against one another, major divisions happen 25:05 Each person needs to figure out how much overlap or interdependence they actually need or want 26:20 Pay attention to pace – day off, what does each partner want to do? 26:40 Pace – my partner is home all day, why aren’t they getting more accomplished? 26:50 Pace of life is really important and finding ways to sync up is huge strategy 27:00 Differences in pace behaviors can make couples go off the rails 27:15 Jeremy’s story of “how can you help me?” 27:50 How many people feel like they are carrying more than their fair share of the load at home? 28:00 People forget to ask for help “how are you willing to help me?” and just assume our partners should know they should be helping out more 28:30 When that happens there is a certain disconnect and you start building up animosity towards your partner 28:50 Couples get in their roles… forget to communicate, physical contact story from a men’s retreat “become a better husband” 30:15 Resentment – breakdown of expectations and communication 30:35 Most important conversations are the ones we aren’t having. Through dialog real breakthroughs happen. 31:00 Egos sometimes get involved in relationships 32:00 Egos get involved in so many things, need to check yourself. Ego is where most problems start. 32:20 What does Kelly do for fun? She always finds most fun possible, lots of variety of fun 33:40 Lots of fun being a mom 33:50 Fun is a foundational piece for Kelly 34:20 Want to learn more about being a high performing entrepreneur: How to find more of Kelly – email is the best way email@example.com