Sometimes we grow faster than people’s perceptions of us!
If you’ve ever gone through a life experience so big that it changed you, you probably know what it’s like to be PASTCASTED. Or, maybe you’ve grown slowly, one decision at a time, yet still evolving faster than other’s perceptions of you.
You know how frustrating it is to have grown into a new person, yet you’re still treated as a version of you that no longer exists.
Pastcasting is a term I use when my clients express frustration that their spouse or team doesn’t give them credit for the positive changes they’ve made or the person they are growing into. They feel like they’ll constantly be villified for a mistake they made years or even decades ago.
When we pastcast someone, we keep ourselves in a destructive cycle because we presume our old stories are still true. We stay focused on old versions of our partner without giving them the freedom to evolve into a better version of themself.
In turn, we miss the opportunity to actually enjoy the growth of our partner and the improved relationship that brings. Our work then becomes to stay focused on our own growth, and not our partner’s historic shortcomings- that may no longer be relevant.
This growth isn’t always positive. Sometimes we cling to the great versions of our partner (or a job, or a friendship) that were fantastic in the beginning. But it’s been a loooong while since we’ve seen a glimmer of that positive aspect we loved so much. This can be equally destructive because it keeps us stuck in unhealthy or toxic situations for far too long.
Is there an old story you’re ready to release?
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